Meandering Along

It’s time to learn the piano.

Really.

It seems Chapter Six(?) in the Life of Phil is opening up. There’s a basic outline of what “is” and “could” occur, but is mostly blank, waiting for the story to be filled in. There’s one or two who might want to do some editing, but I don’t think they’re serious about it. I’m not sure I want someone else editing/playing with my life right now. Play is a wonderful thing. I think most of life should be play and sometimes is a play. But, I don’t want to be played, either… (Don’t you love English!) I don’t think there is enough interest. I’m just a side-show right now. Just One-of-Many Possibles. Time will Tell. Always does.

The thing is, now what? A new chapter begins, and we have learned some things, yes? We know exactly what we want, and now we go get it, yes?

Funny thing is, a year ago, I thought I knew exactly what I wanted. So I went to get it. And compromises occurred, and it all went bad, actually worse than before I started. Should I not compromise? I tried hard enough to make things go as planned, but like most battles, the plan is the first thing that dies. But I went for it anyway. I’m glad I at least tried.

New Chapter, New Plan.

1 – Keep it Simple

2 – See Rule 1

3 – When in doubt, See Rule 2

4 – There is no Rule 4

There is a defined line between these. Often, people in your life will enter one or more, move between them, usually toward the more familiar, then sometimes out and gone.

As a person, you have to decide how close each group comes to your core self. Acquaintances of course, are kept well at arm’s length, sometimes across the room or in another state. Friends get closer, sometimes right with you, sharing your personal space.

With me, personally, only a very few share the Intimate, that closeness that means I can say anything, be myself totally, no holds barred, and it will be accepted. It might be tossed right back, or agreed upon, or somewhere in between, but I can say anything, and not worry about that friendship. And I to them. What a precious gift that is.

I think the hardest part is knowing who to let in! You have to test each person’s waters, sometimes gently, with a toe, sometimes with a thrown brick, and see what happens. Perhaps that’s why I have few really close friends? Not everyone enjoys a tossed brick. It tends to make waves. But you sure get to the core in a hurry. Therein, the Truth lies, and that Truth will either let you run free, or just send you running.

But once you’re in, it’s all good. You can share, a great human trait, and feel complete for it. Some become friends that weren’t really meant to be, as hidden lines are crossed (didn’t toss the ol’ brick hard enough?), and they fall back to acquaintance. Eventually they might become TTIHK, or They That I Have Known. Only Time x Bricks can tell what may occur. Trusts must be built or broken. It is a Human thing.

I suppose you can have many subtle grey layers, with Knowns to Acquaintances to Friends to the truly Intimate. I like things Simple, so I choose the three basic friends’ groups.

There are people that I know. I also have some acquaintances I can count by dozens. I have a few good friends (are there other types?) I can count on two hands, and I have really close Intimates I can count with a Peace sign. The one Best Friend, the one counted with a Peace Sign/Safety Off!, I am currently fresh out of. Disconcerting doesn’t begin to cover this feeling. Anger and Sadness don’t approach it either, individually.

There is another special relationship, that of Spouse. In all ways an Intimate, but not necessarily that Best Friend that anything can be tossed out, and it will be ok. There are definite lines there. I don’t like that. At all. As close as you get to your loved one, still you must hold certain things back. Harmony must be maintained at the cost of Ultimate Intimacy. Dammit. Trust truly only goes so far.

Best of all would be the Spouse that is the Best Intimate Friend.

Wouldn’t that be Grand. I don’t think it exists. In this case, She.